Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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