I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
