Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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