are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We need to feng shui this bitch.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
