come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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