On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
