My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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