Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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