Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
