Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
