Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
