I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
