I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
