it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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