Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize