Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
