You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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