If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
