i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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