My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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