Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
