at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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