What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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