Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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