I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
