Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
