There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
