Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
