if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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