Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
