her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
