Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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