We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
