You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
