When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
