Well douche your snatch and let's go!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
