my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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