Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
