You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's blow job season.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize