after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
