she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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