12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
