my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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