ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
