Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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