I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Less talking, more tequila
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
