It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
