I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
