yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
