Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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