dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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