Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
