sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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