Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
