Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
wanna go halves on a baby?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
