you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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