john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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