The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
