Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
