so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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