I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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