apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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