Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
