i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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