I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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