Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
