You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
