I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
