I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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