I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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