wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
