I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
