Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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